‘Special guardian angels’ — interim care foster parents

By Jared Olar

OTTAWA — “Special guardian angels.”

To Mary Kay Collins, that is the perfect description of the 12 families who work as “interim care” foster parents in the adoption program of Catholic Charities of the Diocese of Peoria.

“They are called out to travel to any hospital around the Diocese of Peoria. They are called on evenings, weekends and holidays. They are asked to adjust their schedule at a moment’s notice to take care of a newborn for a few hours or a few weeks,” said Collins, adoption supervisor at the LaSalle branch office of Catholic Charities.

“Many will not accept monetary pay, or will put the compensation back into the program,” Celeste Matheson, Catholic Charities’ director of communications, told The Catholic Post.

But for Jim and Darcy McGraw, interim care foster parents who live in rural Ottawa, it is all worthwhile whether they are giving a birth mother some time and space to think things through, or are helping other parents share in the joy they themselves have received as adoptive parents.

The McGraws are members of St. Patrick’s Parish, Ottawa, and their daughter Katie, 8, is a third grade student at St. Patrick’s School. Darcy works as a third grade teacher at Marseilles Elementary School.

Collins was their caseworker when they adopted Katie in 2000. Katie was 11 days old at the time, and was in interim foster care for several days during the adoption process. The McGraws’ positive adoption experience was a chief factor in their decision to become certified with the State of Illinois as interim foster parents.

They also thought becoming interim foster parents would be a good way to teach Katie about the importance of giving of yourself to others.

“I want Katie to grow up and realize that if you help others, they’ll help you. And that’s not a bad lesson to learn in life, to help others,” Darcy told The Post.

She continued, “We were just happy that Katie was in good care during that time, and we thought we were set up to do that kind of thing too.”

The timing and their situation at home also seemed ideal. Jim was recently retired at age 44 as a union laborer out of Marseilles Local 393, and had been taking care of Katie, so he was accustomed to infant care, Darcy said.

So about five years ago they approached Collins to volunteer for Catholic Charities’ interim care program. Since 2004 they have had 14 interim foster children in their home, with their ages ranging from newborn to 2. The McGraws usually care for three or four children a year.

“Ninety-five percent of the time the adoptions go smoothly. It’s those 5 percent of the times they don’t that Darcy and I come into the picture,” Jim said.

The baby’s birth mother sometimes changes her mind at the end of their service as interim foster parents, and other times the baby is placed with adoptive parents.

It could be that the birth mother just needs time to make up her mind, or Catholic Charities needs to find a suitable couple who can adopt the baby, according to Darcy.

“In some cases it is a matter of timing,” said Collins. “Birth parents cannot surrender their parental rights until 72 hours after the baby is born. Some hospitals cannot keep an infant for more than 48 hours after birth, so there needs to be a loving home for the infant to stay in until rights are terminated and the child can be placed in their adoptive home.”

“A lot of times we pick the babies up at the hospital,” said Jim. It helps birth mothers to meet the foster parents so they can know who will care for their babies.

“The interim families come from all over the diocese and sometimes have to travel two hours one way to pick up a baby or to do a visit with a birth family,” said Collins.

“The longest we’ve had babies is six weeks, and the shortest is overnight,” Darcy said.

The occasion when they cared for an infant overnight was in May this year. The decision had been made to delay the adoption process an extra day so the birth mother would not have to sign adoption papers on Mother’s Day. “That was an exceptionally good call on Catholic Charities’ part,” Darcy observed.

Another time they cared for two brothers, ages 2 and 1.

“That was the only time we did that,” Darcy recalled. “We decided after that to just stick with newborns. We weren’t prepared for babies that age — the house wasn’t childproofed, and we’d just put the Christmas tree up.”

The 2-year-old “kept playing with the phone,” Katie added, laughing.

All the babies have been “good babies,” easy to care for and to comfort, Darcy said.

“It’s all very rewarding,” she said. “We’ve worked with Mary Kay Collins for so long. I think because she is so good at this, we’ve had such a good experience with her. That just makes things run so nicely for us.”

Just as if the McGraws were getting a permanent new addition, family and neighbors share in the delight when a new interim foster child arrives.

Neighbors help with baby sitting, including one who tells the McGraws, “For a couple of hours I need my ‘baby fix.’” Jim’s mother Evelyn lives nearby and also “grandmothers” the baby, said Darcy.

“My mom had eight kids and has 21 grandkids and great-grandkids, so she has had plenty of experience with that,” said Jim. “Three of my brothers have also adopted, one of them from Russia.”

Katie’s friends come over and help hold and play with the baby, and Katie herself gives new names to her little foster brothers and sisters. When the baby is adopted or is returned to the birth mother, Katie always gives the baby a stuffed animal. “And sometimes I draw the babies’ pictures,” she said.

“The babies are really special to us and it’s kind of sad when they leave, but it’s happy when the parents get the babies,” said Katie.

No matter how long they are asked to care for a child, an interim family prepares for the time when the baby will be adopted or will return to the birth parents, keeping a journal so they can help the baby and the parents learn more about each other, Collins said.

“They will bring a blanket and some clothes that the baby has slept in so the infant can have some of the same touches and smells as they transition,” said Collins.

“People will ask us, ‘How are you able to let these babies go?’” Darcy said. “Or people say, ‘Don’t you get attached?’ Of course we do. If you don’t get attached, you shouldn’t do it.”

“You’ve just got to have a clear mind of what you’re doing and why you’re doing it,” she said.

When a child is placed in a new adoptive family, “it brings it all together, about why you’re doing it,” said Darcy.

“It’s such a great experience seeing the look on their faces when they get to see their new baby for the first time,” she said.

The McGraws encourage other married couples to consider serving as interim care foster parents.

“If they’re in a situation that they can do it, and there’s at least one person at home, they should definitely consider it,” said Darcy. “It’s been good for Katie, and it’s been good for us.”